untitled

woah ! -_-
been a lot of UN-NEEDED drama going on these past weekends, & i just happen to always be involved somehow someway, without me having anything to do with any of it ! & it's really starting to seriously piss me off, i never get mad over little kiddy shit nor anything tht doesnt have to do with me, but it's been so much tht sooner or later im going to go postal on somebody !

so, my sister decided she would finally come back home & for whtever reasons tht made her come back, i dnt want to be involved at all..but then wht happens ? i end up getting blamed for her coming back ?! wtf ? i had absolutely nothing to do with tht, ppl make their own desicions & tht was HERS, anyway im over it .
..my girlfriend seems to be upset with me over some not even worth it type shit, & it's getting to the point where im starting to think tht all this "surround keyera with the drama" is all a setup, like why am i getting prosicuted ? wht the heck have i done to anybody ? seriously .
there is too much going on in MY life right now, tht i really didnt want to speak on, but it's hard to not have to think about it when i feel like everybody is just on my back .
i just wnna scream, "i'm dying" ! but hell, tht probably wouldnt stop anything, even with it being the truth .

i've always lived my life as free & "happy" for the most part, just to prove tht my disability didnt get the best of me. well, i guess now you could say, it just might..
but you knw wht, i refuse to just give up now & let anything stop me from doing wht i've been doing for almost 21 years, & tht's LIVE, live as if i didnt have Sickle Cell & i was just as healthy as everybody else, not having to take any medication, never going back&fourth to the hospital & all tht
man man mannnn, how did i let this even get close to trying to get the best of me ?
i always think about death, & how i knw my time might not be so far away, but i always have tht hope tht i'll live to at least see my 60's haha, everytime i pray about it, i always ask God to please let me live to see 60 & i knw it may not happen, but hey i can still keep praying tht it does (:

this last time tht i was in the hospital had me very scared, i've never had a fever so high & not knw tht i was even sick :/ .. 103.8, tht's pretty much 104 & for a Sickle Cell patient, tht could have been critical if i didnt get there when i did .. i fond out tht im so sick, i have to get another surgery soon. havent told anyone but my mom, & i guess now she's not alone lol .. i guess the reason why i havent told anyone else is because i didnt think anyone cared enough to knw, actually i still dnt but i mean hey whether you do or you dnt, now you knw ..
i just hope everything goes good with tht & i come out of it a thousand times better then i do going in.
ughh, i jst went from being somewh stressd over drama tht wasnt even mine, to my personal issues -_- i really need a break from some things lol
i'll be fine.

& you are the ONLY exception

wht am i doing ? ME, tht's wht i'm doing, & this is wht i'm going to do until it's OVER !
Drake, couldn't have said tht any better.
i decided to start this particular blog the way i did because lately it seems like everyone wants to have some kind of say on wht KEYERA is doing, as if there lives aren't interesting enough.
well, hope you ALL enjoy my adventure !

OMG ! if i've never had to make a "tough" decision before, i think i'm facing tht now :/
okay, i'm not with anyone right, & of course everyone knws -_- lol, but tht's not the issue .. my options, i have MANY to choose from & it's hard to just have one; well at least when the one you want isn't YOURS, if you understand where i'm coming from ;)
like how do you even go about tht ?
it feels so unfair to me, yet i feel like i'm not just the victim but also the suspect, meaning i'm sitting here wanting tht ONE & i'm obviously their option also because we're not together, but then i'm pretty much committing the same "crime" with my "others" & doing the same thing to them tht's being done to me .. it's not easy at ALL, but wht's a girl to do ?! i sure dnt knw, yet :(

"tell me if you want me to say whts on my mind baby, i can't keep it to myself no more, am i out of line baby ? i knw that we've been talking a lot, but just on the surface, i wnna knw if it's worth it ? come on baby let me knw something.."



Hope you remembered my perfume on you...




until i'm figuerd out,
peace out dolls ;*